Carnival of Aros – October 2021 “Friendship” – Round Up of All Submissions

Thank you to everyone who participated in the Carnival of Aros in October! I sincerely apologize for being a-week-and-a-half late with this roundup post. It’s been very hard for me for all of 2021 to be timely with things, for a variety of factors… and I already struggled a bit with it, it’s just exponentially worse now. Nevertheless, I am very sorry for leaving people waiting!!

I tried to check my email for submissions and even find one I had thought I remembered one, but I just realized I published this round-up without having checked the correct email address 🤦. Sorry everyone. Re-publishing this now this with the emailed submission. As far as I could find, unless I’m mistaken, there was only one submitted this way.

The theme I had picked was “Friendship” and the call for submissions and prompts can be found here.

We received ten great submissions this month and I really appreciate every single one of them!

Eight of you submitted using my Google Form this time. So I’m just using the summaries people gave me themselves in the answer to one of the survey’s questions if they provided one. For the other two submissions I quoted part of the posts.

  1. Frawley shared A Relationship Anarchist Perspective on QPRs and Friendship, about how as a relationship anarchist, they don’t really find the distinction between friendship and queerplatonic relationships to be a useful conceptualization. This is an explanation of why Frawley is personally moving away from “queerplatonic” in favor of defending the validity of intimate and committed friendships.
  2. sildarmillion submitted Friendship, as discussed on my favorite podcasts, recounting two instances in which she had a bit of an emotional reaction to offhand commentary about friendship (in contrast to romantic relationships) on two separate podcasts. And she ends with a shoutout to another podcast that is dedicating its entire season to the theme of friendship! She also wrote a follow up post after a conversation in the comments of the original post, and that post is: Wait, what is affection exactly?
  3. Autumn’s post on her Aria’s Hollow Dreamwidth blog, Observations and Opinions on ‘Friendship’, is an informal consideration on the many uses of the way the word ‘friendship’ is used, referencing both personal experience and broad observations made from time spent in the aromantic community.
  4. Mike from his RobotiCanary WordPress blog submitted a post about what he thinks of when he thinks of friendship, and the troubles of being a friend around people in romantic relationships.
  5. Blue Ice-Tea submitted Growing Up Platoniromantic: Heartbreak.
  6. thinking-aromanticism (aka thiro) shared with us its post with links to find the submission both on Tumblr and on Dreamwidth. 🙂 It’s a 2k [word] personal essay about interpersonal relationships as a bisexual androgyne, extensively citing ecchi anime Interspecies Reviewers.
  7. Cat submitted on their litter-of-cats tumblr, Distant from others, distant from romance—aka why I don’t call “friends” friends, which he describes as a personal account on friendships, trauma, and not belonging—and how it all intertwines with being aro.
  8. aro-prince-aj (local aro cryptid) on tumblr shared a post, and his opening line references his gray-platonic identity.

    “As a gray-pl lovequeer aro, friendship feels complicated to say the least. I don’t form friendships easily, or at least deep ones. I’m very much an acquaintance more than a direct friend to a lot of people, even if my love for them is still strong.”
  9. Isaac submitted Breaking the glass ceiling of friendship. He covers some ground on societal norms and limits of friendship, explaining,

    “[F]riendship is an unlimited format which may grow as close as desired by the involved friends, at least in principle. However, in practice, there is a glass ceiling on friendship, be it external (imposed from society) or internal (self-imposed by the person), that limits it in different ways.”
  10. Finally, Sennkestra submitted My Friend Situation is Like a Fanfiction Trope, AMA. from their “Next Step: Cake” WordPress blog. They described it as: “When it comes to aspirations about an asexual and aromantic lifestyle, I’ve come to realize over the last couple years that I’m already living the dream in many ways, with a social and cohabitation arrangement like something out of an ensemble fanfiction found family trope* – albeit it mostly by chance rather than design.”

Thank you to everyone for participating!!

If I missed a post, please comment or contact me via Discord, Twitter, Tumblr, or email – all explained at the end of the Call for Submissions post. I’ll edit this post to have the missed post listed as well!

I hope you all enjoy reading the submissions from October!

Carnival of Aros – October 2021 Call for Submissions: “Friendship”

The Carnival of Aros is a month-long recurring blogging festival where bloggers on different platforms all write (or vlog, or create content) on a specific theme. Submissions are typically posted on everyone’s own blog (or whatever platform they use, such as YouTube). If you need me to host your post on my blog (as either a “guest post” submission crediting you or as an anonymous submission) please let me know. Different bloggers typically host the carnival each month. For more information about the Carnival of Aros, please look here! And don’t be afraid to host the carnival yourself sometime soon. The only rules are that a) submissions are tied back to aromanticism in some way, and b) the theme inspires your submission in some way.

I hosted the Carnival back in November of 2020 and then a little under 3 weeks ago the Carnival of Aros team reached out asking if I might be willing to host again, because they needed volunteers to host future months. I was happy to host again, and looking through the past themes that had been hosted, I noticed both Friendship and anything about Platonic Relationships hasn’t been a theme yet…

Feel free to ask me below, or at my email address if you have any questions! Also feel free to reblog the post I just made, cross-posting this call for submissions to tumblr.

For October 2021, the theme I chose is “Friendship”. The prompts below are meant to help give you ideas of various directions you could take your submissions, but the topic is meant to be broad so anything that the word inspires, even if it has nothing to do with any of the prompts below, is welcome!


Continue reading “Carnival of Aros – October 2021 Call for Submissions: “Friendship””

Amatonormativity in Gilmore Girls, + I Was Ghosted By My Queerplatonic Partner, and how shipping Rory/Jess, Matt/Julie (FNL), and Clark/Lana (Smallville) relates

This is a submission for the January 2021 Carnival of Aros, hosted by CharCharChar on the theme of “Stories”. The Call for Submissions was here. Note, I’m the blogger who used to go by the name luvtheheaven. This is my new blog under my new username, VioletEmeraldx. This is the third of my submissions.

The prompts we were given include:

Stories shape perception, expectation, and the fabric of reality.


Complain about a story, or a recurring theme in stories.

as well as

Analyze the story line of a movie or fanfic or a podcast. 

I have so many thoughts that may jump off of these prompts and relate in some way to aromanticism, although some are more of a stretch to tie to aromanticism than others.

I rewatched the tv series Friday Night Lights this past summer, and then for the past 6 weeks I’ve been rewatching Gilmore Girls.

For Gilmore Girls, I’ve been taking notes on every single mention of anything relating to queerness, to gender roles, whether it be just acknowledging that not everyone is straight or a homophobic or transphobic joke or whatever. I’ve seen nearly 5 seasons of the show in these 6 weeks. (I know; I need to figure out ways to spend much more time on all the things that aren’t binge-watching television and much less time on the TV show viewing.)

I started doing this for a few reasons. Gilmore Girls is one of the most formative shows for me in my life, and one of my favorite television series of all time. Around age 15 or so, I started the series, and when I started vidding near the start of my junior year of high school when I was 16, after maybe 2 ER vids I ended up vidding nearly 100 vids all in the Gilmore Girls fandom before my senior year of high school concluded, within about a year and a half. I probably created over 100 Gilmore Girls fanvideos before I turned 19. (As I’ve said in a recent blog post, I turned 31 slightly over a week ago from the time of me posting this.)

Continue reading “Amatonormativity in Gilmore Girls, + I Was Ghosted By My Queerplatonic Partner, and how shipping Rory/Jess, Matt/Julie (FNL), and Clark/Lana (Smallville) relates”

Amy on “Faking It” potentially being demi-, or having mismatched sexual and romantic orientations.

This is a submission for the January 2021 Carnival of Aros, hosted by CharCharChar on the theme of “Stories”. The Call for Submissions was here. Note, I’m the blogger who used to go by the name luvtheheaven. This is my new blog under my new username, VioletEmeraldx. This is the second of my submissions, and I hope to post a third submission tonight.

A few months ago, in July and August, I rewatched the entire MTV television series “Faking It”, and started to clip and share on YouTube all the moments of Amy’s journey questioning her sexuality.

This is a show about a pair of best friends who are mistaken for being lesbians by a classmate, and then one of the pair decides it would be a good idea to fake and pretend being lesbians, and the other develops intense feelings for her friend and isn’t actually “faking” anything in their “Fake dating” dynamic. Many people have expressed extreme criticisms of the premise, and also especially of the character Karma’s horrible exploitation of the way straight cis guys often fetishize lesbians where she uses “faking being a lesbian” in order to “get a guy she has a huge crush on”, and there is at least one explicitly biphobic moment of dialogue in just the videos I link to below…

However, there is this undercurrent of something so genuine and relatable to so many queer fans of the show in Amy’s questioning her sexuality storyline, and so much heart, which means I and many others can’t help but love the series. They also play with the idea of Karma potentially being bi all along, and only faking being a lesbian with Amy because deep down Karma has romantic & sexual feelings for Amy. They never establish for sure what Karma’s orientations are either.

The answer to the question of “what is Amy’s sexual orientation” is never “answered” per se before the show was canceled, as Amy doesn’t like labels. The writers of this show give you the idea early into the show that she might be a lesbian and not attracted to guys in any romantic and/or sexual way, especially given how she kisses Oliver and doesn’t enjoy kissing him. She thinks all the things line up where she “should” like him, and begs for answers about why she doesn’t.

But the show also implies she only ever has had the kind of feelings she currently is having for the first time in her life for this one close female friend of hers, Karma, and demisexuality and/or demiromanticism are legitimate possibilities that would have worked well, had the show decided to show that.

With time, she seems to fall for a couple of other girls in the latter 2 seasons, and to have potential feelings for Felix, a boy, as well. I believe her continued questioning really made it seem like she’s biromantic but homosexual or demisexual, OR, conversely, bisexual but homoromantic or demiromantic. Where she has such mixed feelings, because she is written in a way to have mixed orientations and that’s confusing for anyone without the language for it. She does legitimately feel some kind of feelings for both genders, probably feelings that are different than what she feels for friends, but not “all” the feelings for both genders.

Amy also strikes me as potentially both demiromantic and demisexual but then certain episodes/seasons she doesn’t quite as much. So it’s complicated.

I also really enjoy the queerplatonic vibes I find myself reading into Amy&Karma’s friendship, because of how they call each other “soulmates” and Amy has feelings that are not platonic but the relationship remains platonic throughout the series, especially seasons 2 and 3 after they stop pretending to date.

As an aro viewer, I can’t help but feel drawn to the way friendship is such an important theme in these characters’ lives. As an ace viewer, I love seeing a variety of comfort levels with sex depending on the character, including Amy’s seeming lack of comfort with sex relative to Karma’s in many instances. As a generally queer viewer, the show resonates so much more than most shows would because it has a questioning queer main character at the heart of the series, instead of centering around the heteronormative types of stories that are usually told. (The show also has an intersex character, a gay guy main character, etc.)

This show gave me a hint of a taste for the kinds of stories I would love to see be told on television. I want to see a questioning aro character at some point, and more questioning aces than the few I’ve seen. I want demisexuality and demiromanticism to be brought up on a TV show one day. I want people who have never seen themselves in a character before to be able to one day see themselves in a character.

Being a Gray-Aro Asexual Shipper, and a Gray-Aro Asexual Huge Fan of Certain Actors, etc.

This is a submission for the January 2021 Carnival of Aros, hosted by CharCharChar on the theme of “Stories”. The Call for Submissions was here. Note, I’m the blogger who used to go by the name luvtheheaven. This is my new blog under my new username, VioletEmeraldx. This is the first of my submissions, but I intend to submit one or maybe two more tonight.

It’s just hard for me to even know where to begin, as I have so many thoughts on the broad idea of “stories”, and so many can at least somewhat be tied back to aromanticism. But also none of my thoughts are super specifically focused on aromanticism either. I really wanted to participate in this carnival this month though, I like the theme, and I wanted to see what I can do.

I am heavily immersed in fandom spaces, especially vidding ones, and to a lesser degree podficcing ones, and to an even lesser degree than that I am a fan of fanfiction and meta analysis of fandoms as well, and for all 4 types of fandom stuff I love both consuming and creating the fanworks. I entered fandom spaces somewhere between age 14 and age 16 depending on how you measure it, and I’m 31 now, so this has been roughly half my life. This has been 14.5 to 16.5 years worth of time paying overly close attention to characters I get attached to and feeling deep emotions over the storylines in fiction, especially in television and a few select book series. I didn’t know I was asexual until 7.5 years ago, and didn’t realize it was an option until around 9.5 years ago. And I didn’t know I was aromantic until even more recently than that, although I guess I started questioning if I might be aro in the back of my mind around 7.5 years ago as well.

There were a lot of years of a teenage and young adult me entering fandom spaces and feeling obsessed with works of fiction when I didn’t have the concepts I needed to have about my orientations. When I didn’t know it was possible to be interested in partnering with multiple genders when my only desire for partnership was in a completely non-sexual and non-romantic way, and so I didn’t know I was queer on a few different axes – I was pan, and I was ace, and I was aro.

Two years ago, in January 2019, when I was asked how could I be aro and a shipper by my grandmother, I explained that it’s often like rooting for two people to be happy much like going to a wedding. My grandma understood me saying that people aren’t happy for the couple getting married because they are attracted to them. Generally, people are simply happy for them. So I think this is where I come from with all this with at least a high percentage of my ships? But I wasn’t entirely sure. As an aro-spec ace who was confused about if I experience crushes at all or very often but who certainly is a shipper, it’s hard to explain why I feel the way I do, especially without understanding exactly why others feel the way they do and where my feelings diverge.

Continue reading “Being a Gray-Aro Asexual Shipper, and a Gray-Aro Asexual Huge Fan of Certain Actors, etc.”